the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When are your genitals available?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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