May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
