so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
