I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
