Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
