Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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