I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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