I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
