Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
