I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
