barbara walters just said penis...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
