He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
