I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
