I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
