You made me cry and you don't even care
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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