Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
