did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
