I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
