Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm having to shit out rocks
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