I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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