there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
did you just send me my own nude
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
