I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm like, not good at living.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
