Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
