I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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