Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
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