I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
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I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
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Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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