I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
