Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
