singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
