a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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