I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize