you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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