The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
