well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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