Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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