I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
