my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
