Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
