And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
