OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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