I accidentally had phone sex last night
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
