woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
How's work?
Spinning.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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