better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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