as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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