He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
