just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
