your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Still dying that you shit outside
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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