So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
