Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
