He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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