i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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