They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
