I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
