we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize