direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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