dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
