the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
