when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
