I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
