I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
