Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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