Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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