I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.