my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
