I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂