Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
