I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
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Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.