so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
