he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?