Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
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So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.