kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins