Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again