so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
