Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
