She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
