whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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