I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
