ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
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Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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