"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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