I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
