She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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