I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
