I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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