Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
