Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
foreskin is a definite game changer
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
