also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
