Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
