Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
