His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
how does that bad decision feel?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
