Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
grandma shit on top of the toilet
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
