I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
