Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
