I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
