Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
