never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
