We won't sleep together?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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