Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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