Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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